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Aging Gracefully
Perhaps it’s because we are inundated with Hollywood images but as a nation we are obsessed with youth. We are constantly bombarded with images of women (why is it mostly women?) who look a good 10, 15, even 20 years younger than their age. I can’t imagine the pressure most actresses face so I’m in no way judging those who have opted for cosmetic surgery.
In fact, I don’t judge “regular women” who make that choice either. We all want to look our best and anything that helps us feel better about ourselves is fine, as far as I’m concerned. I started going gray in my 20s so I’ve been coloring my hair for years. And while I admire my friends who have made peace with their gray hair, I’m not there yet. And I might never be. There’s a good chance that I’ll be that 70 year old lady with her monthly appointment to get her hair colored. Heck, I might even opt for purple highlights once in awhile.
So what does it mean to age gracefully? How do we learn to accept those inevitable changes as we grow older?
What? Were you expecting an answer from me? I don’t really know but I’ve been thinking about it.
I find myself looking at older women I admire to see how they are doing it. There are a couple of good examples in my own family. My mom and her sister are both in their late 70s/early 80s yet no one thinks of them as “old”. Neither one colors their gray hair and they both have been sun worshippers all their lives. I do hope I have inherited their good genes because I think they both look beautiful.
While these thoughts were rattling around in my head I happened to see this article:
6 Things French Women Can Teach Us About Aging Gracefully
Let’s take a look at those “6 Things”, shall we?
1) Women of all ages can be the sensual love interests — and not just the matronly grandmothers — in popular movies.
This is something I would LOVE to see more of. I absolutely adore the movie, Something’s Gotta Give for just this reason. (Well, and that gorgeous beach house.) Diane Keaton is one of those rare American actresses who serves as a great example of aging gracefully sans cosmetic surgery. She has written a book about beauty and aging and I will definitely be reading this one.
2) Less is best when it comes to makeup — but that doesn’t mean you should skimp on skincare.
I’ve always opted for a more natural makeup look and I’ve become more serious about skincare in recent years. Fortunately I’ve never been a smoker and because I sunburn so easily I have avoided tanning beds and excessive sun exposure all my life. There’s one in my favor!
3) Sex should continue to be important.
The article goes on to say that while only 60% of American women over 50 remain sexually active, over 90% of French women do. I don’t know if either of those statistics are accurate (only 60%?) but I certainly know which group I’d rather be in.
4) Having just a handful of clothing items that fit perfectly is a lot better than having a whole closet full of items that aren’t all that great.
This is something I need to work on. I don’t buy a lot of clothes…in fact, David often tells me I should buy more. I’m just not much of a shopper and in all honesty, I keep putting it off “until I lose weight”. But I’ve been saying that for years. Maybe it’s time to invest in a few perfect items.
5) Walking is the best exercise.
Get yourself a Fitbit and start moving.
6) What you eat — and how much you eat — are of vital importance.
Something David and I have noticed is that when I serve dinner in courses, as the French tend to do, we actually eat less. By slowing down the whole dining experience you allow time for your brain to get the signal that you’ve had enough. I also find that a glass of wine with my meal adds to the enjoyment and again, extends the length of our mealtime. We’ve been doing this on Friday nights but I need to work on making it a nightly practice.
One thing not mentioned in this particular article is the role men play in all this. I’ve heard that French men have an appreciation for older women that isn’t quite as common here in America. Or perhaps they are just more open about it. I’ve never been to France but I will say that in New Orleans I’ve experienced some of that. I’ve even overheard men there talking about how they genuinely prefer women who are no longer ingenues. Maybe it’s the French influence at play there, too. I do know that it’s a lot easier to feel good about getting older when in the company of people who think you still have something to offer.
I’d love to hear your thoughts about aging gracefully. Leave me a comment.
I love this post Deanna.
It amuses me when some days I get the eye from a number of the men who happen to be in the supermarket. It's usually a surprise when I notice it.
Thinking about what is different those days my makeup is no different to my usual "smokey eyes only" and my hair is the usual assymetric salt-and-pepper look. BUT it is usually I day I am feeling particularly self-assured: it's the old adage- confidence is sexy, I guess 🙂
I agree that as a culture, we need to stop obsessing about the ageing process. We don't expect to keep the looks of a 10-year-old when we're 20; why should a 40-year-old expect to look 20? I decided to stop highlighting my hair to cover the grey, mainly because I don't want the chemicals in my body or the world and because I see so many women who color their hair and it is extremely obvious – and unflattering. Fortunately, my husband has always preferred that I look like a natural woman – not a plastic imitation.
I try to embrace individual choice regarding personal expression. Dyeing one’s hair does not mean a woman is a “fake imitation” of a women. Just as hair dyes can sometimes be harsh, gray hair can sometimes appear washed out. Perhaps we can allow variety in personal choice, and not insist that women who don’t make our choices are “less than.”
I've actually been contemplating this as my topic for next week's Blog party…More food for thought…
Jenny (jevvv): I do think that's a big part of it. And it's sort of a self-perpetuating cycle, don't you think? When we are treated to that bit of attention, we feel more confident, which in turn…
Cherie: The chemical thing is what bothers me most about coloring my hair but so far it's the one thing I'm just not emotionally prepared to let go. And I know exactly what you mean about those "obvious" dye jobs. 70 year old women with jet black hair? Not so attractive. My words to my stylist are "I don't want it to look as though I dye my hair". Ha! I even go so far as to have the color gradually lightened during summer and darkened over the winter to mimic what the sun would do.
Terri: I'm looking forward to reading your thoughts on the subject!
Hats off for this article. Aging don’t have to be a grueling experience. We can all age gracefully with physical activity, choosing to eat healthy and having a positive mindset. You can also read this to know how you can age gracefully:
http://globalhealthaging.org/2015/09/26/how-to-age-gracefully-with-physical-activity/
Thanks for the link. I am trying to take this whole aging-with-grace thing more seriously.
I dress for comfort, not style, and only have a few of each item of clothing, because I don’t see the need to have piles of clothes. I can only wear one set at a time anyhow.
I can’t wear make up. Even the stuff that’s meant to not cause an allergic reaction does with me. I probably wouldn’t even if I could though, since the times I was prepared to try anything more than nail varnish were to please others, and I didn’t see the point. I only liked nail varnish because I liked having colourful fingernails; it was all about the fun colours for me.
I’ve had blonde highlights put in my hair a couple of times… When I was in my teens… Because I wanted to make the natural ones I have more obvious (I have some natural red and blonde highlights in my hair, that only show up when light/sun catches my hair just right). But I quickly decided it wasn’t worth bothering with. I’ve considered having purple done on the ends of my hair, but more for the fun of it than because I care what it looks like. I mean, I even cut my own hair, because I prefer to just have it how I want it, and got fed up of hairdressers insisting different styles would blook better on me, so insisting on cutting my hair their own way.
In short, I don’t much care how people think I look, or care about covering up any signs of aging, and any thing I do that could be considered an attempt at doing so is done because I decide I feel like doing it, and not because it might make others find me more attractive, or whatever.
I definitely think we should do what makes US happy and feel attractive and/or comfortable. I began wearing Birkenstocks almost exclusively several years ago due to plantar fasciitis. They may not be the prettiest shoes but I decided foot pain wasn’t worth it.
Shoes are something I only wear to go out. I might sometimes put a pair of slippers on indoors… If it’s really cold, and my fluffy socks aren’t enough… But mostly I don’t even bother with the socks.
I used to be such a barefoot girl. But then I developed plantar fasciitis.I try to wear my Birkenstocks as much as possible because they keep my feet from hurting.
I’ve really thought about this as I have in the past year and half allowed my hair to ‘go natural with almost white temples, found a more comfortable and attractive manner of dressing. Would I do plastic surgery? No. But if a woman’s face doesn’t live up to how she feels inside I’m perfectly supportive of adjusting the outside then. I do think it must be exhausting for a woman of 70 to try and look 40 and can’t imagine how tiring that must be! Glad to see you reposting this article with some fresh comments to add to perspective!
I think the pressure for some is so intense. And some just give up entirely. I think the key is finding a happy medium. And that can look different for everyone.
That whole ageing thing is interesting. I for one, want to look & feel my best, but I do know that I have signs of ageing, & I think that’s natural. I watched a tv programme recently where everyday women had trout pouts & pulled strange faces because they had so much filler & botox. It was grotesque.
I wear makeup and color my hair. I feel more comfortable that way. After I lost 50 lbs, I had to make a conscious decision how I wanted to dress (since I had to replace everything). At the time, I worked in a boutique and got to see the many different ways older women presented themselves. I decided I liked the almost preppy classic look with a bit of French influence (in my youth, I tended toward the lime green tights and Guatemalan skirt look and I still love embroidered blouses). I now tend toward fewer, well made pieces.
I had a woman ask me if I wouldn’t prefer “the real me” meaning without makeup. “The real me” is the me with makeup since that is the way I choose to look. What makes us real is the decisions we make.
I love that last sentence!