Life with Dee

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Bad Christian Club

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(*Originally posted June 2013)

A couple of weeks ago I read a blog post which really struck a chord with me. Lindsay of Suburban Turmoil wrote about feeling judged and rejected by the Christian community and asked her readers if anyone else struggled with the same problem. Whoooo boy, do I ever.

my say over earl grey

I wish I could say that I don’t care what people think. But it truly does bother me that there are those, including some of my relatives, who consider me a “bad Christian” or even question whether I should call myself a Christian at all. That hurts. I’ve agonized over it. But ultimately I’ve come to realize that I simply cannot live my life according to other people’s standards and beliefs. I have to be true to myself and live in sync with my own belief system.

Of course I’m not perfect. Far from it. As someone with a hyperactive guilt complex and whose conscience works overtime, I am acutely aware of my short-comings. When I’m less than patient with others, when I jump to conclusions without all the facts, when I’m so caught up in my own life that I neglect those I care about, or when I fail to speak out against that which I find abhorrent, I feel a twinge of guilt, a prick of conscience which reminds me that I can do better.

But the thing is, I don’t feel guilty about what I’m being judged for. I’ve searched the scriptures and my heart and I don’t believe that the moderate consumption of alcohol is a sin. Neither do I believe that the occasional use of certain words makes me “bad Christian”. I absolutely do not believe that voting for politicians who support my values of equality, peace, and the care of “the least of these” makes me less of a Christian than those who have chosen a political platform with different priorities. And yet these are the very things which some would say make me a “bad Christian”.

People certainly are entitled to their beliefs and I respect those who have come to different conclusions than I. It would be nice if I were accorded the same courtesy but I realize that some don’t have the capacity to do so.

A few days ago Lindsay wrote a follow-up post about being “a bad Christian”. She addressed a comment which asked if professing to be part of the “Bad Christian Club” did anything to further “God’s Kingdom” with this reply:

Maybe—just maybe– God can use me to reach people that the traditional Christian community just isn’t appealing to these days. Maybe it’s okay for me and for you to question the direction and motivation of Christianity today- a religion that often leaves me feeling bad about myself and unworthy, even though the Bible never does. Maybe if enough Christians talk with each other about how they really feel, we’ll start to see real change in the church and the community.

Bingo! I think this is right on the money and something David and I have often discussed in recent years. We frequently encounter folks who have been hurt, judged and even spiritually abused by Christians. We try to show them love and acceptance instead. And you know what? People actually respond positively to that approach. A few have even asked to go to church with us.

All my life I’ve heard fellow-Christians say that we have to be so very careful about everything we do so that we won’t “cause someone else to stumble”. Most of the time that phrase is used to chastise others for not toeing the squeaky-clean-Christian line. But you know what? The people who seem to get their panties in a wad over these differing interpretations of what it means to be a Christian are other Christians. Are they so insecure in their own faith that seeing me enjoy a glass or two of wine is going to cause them to backslide? If I use a four-letter-word on Twitter will they quit going to church? How many no longer believe in God because I voted for Obama?

I think this world would be a better place if we each focused on being our own personal best and stopped judging the choices of others. And I’m talking to myself here, too. I catch myself thinking less than charitable thoughts at times but I’m really working on that.

Today I shared a post about happiness on Facebook. A friend summed it up thus:

 It really is just as simple as doing what you want and not worrying about what other people think.

I replied that it was just that simple and just that difficult, especially the part about not caring what other people think. And that’s when he shared this perfect little nugget of wisdom:

I think everyone battles that one on some level. I think it’s more accurate to say, “Decide whose opinion is worth caring about and whose isn’t.”

I have some pretty wise friends, don’t I?  The opinions of my husband, children and friends who truly care about me should be important. I should care what they think of me and my choices because I know they genuinely want what’s best for me. If one of these people expresses concern I need to listen and carefully consider their input. But when “concern” comes from those whose only participation in my life is that of disapproval and criticism I need to remind myself that their motive probably isn’t my well-being so much as a need to control or to appear more “holy” than others. Or perhaps it’s due to their own insecurities or jealousy. In any case, I have to keep working on not letting those people disrupt my personal sense of peace. I’m getting better at this but still have a way to go.

What about you? If you’re a Christian, do you ever feel judged by other Christians? And if you’re not a Christian, are there people in your life who criticize your choices? If so, how do you handle it? I’d love to hear your thoughts so leave me a comment.

Just a few observations

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Do you ever have one of those weeks you wish you could do over?  Last week was one humdinger of a week for me.  I don’t like to dwell on the negative so I’ll spare you the gory details but here are a few thoughts and observations from last week, in no particular order.  

1. There’s probably a 100% chance that the friend handing out drugs at a party is not a pharmacist and one *little* mistake in compounding those drugs can be deadly.

2. No matter how old your “child” is, watching them endure lengthy dental procedures is still hard.

3. Jambalaya made with 12 cups of dry rice and 24 cups of water is HEAVY.  Note to self: Next time use more than one disposable pan.

4. An easily cleaned plastic wastebasket in the bathroom is a handy item in case of food poisoning.

5. Garlicky foods are much better going down than coming up.  (Sorry, but it’s true!)

6. “That 70s Show” is excellent, mindless entertainment when you don’t feel well enough to read or use the computer.

7. If I ever win the lottery I want my own Jeeves.

8. Calling a funeral home for quotes on their services on Mother’s Day isn’t something I ever thought I’d be doing but it was infinitely better than being the mom who will never see her daughter again. 

9. The word “friend” isn’t specific enough.  Maybe we need a color-coded system for designating degrees of friendship.

10. Someone who is undergoing chemo and not feeling well but who continues to volunteer their time and expertise to provide health care to those in need is a perfect example of the type of Christian I aspire to be.  Even if she does attend a church (mine) that some think should no longer be referred to as Christian.

11. I have the most awesome husband, son, daughter and son-in-law imaginable. 

A lot of people hate Mondays but after the week I had I was more than happy to see the beginning of a new one. Now just for fun:

The lady doth protest too much…

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Have you ever been around someone who is constantly talking about God, Jesus, their faith, the Bible, etc.?  I mean, even when it has little to do with the conversation at hand, they find a way to interject something religious?  I know I’m taking a risk by even bringing this up — there’s a lot of room for misunderstanding — but I’ve been thinking about this for some time now and after reading a friend’s blog post today, I felt inclined to go ahead and just share my thoughts.

my say over earl grey

There are some people, like my dear grandmother who passed away last fall, whose faith is larger than they are and it just seems natural to hear them speak of it as a matter of course.  It doesn’t feel forced or as if there is an underlying motive but simply as expression of who they are.  I’ve encountered a very small handful of people who fit this description.

On the other hand, there are many, many more who pepper their speech with frequent religious references which come across as either insincere (a few) or as if they are trying too hard (many).  It feels as though they are trying to convince themselves and others of their religious greatness.  I do try not to make that judgment but I’m human and fairly perceptive so I have to admit that I do sometimes wonder why these folks feel the need to do this.  Do they have something to prove?  Something to hide?

Several months ago I read the following quote by Donald Miller:

 “I’ve also found that the more I trust in Christ’s redemption to be sufficient, the less overtly religious I am. And, quite honestly, the more suspect overtly religious people become to me. When I’m with somebody who talks zealously about faith, about Jesus, about the Bible, after a while, I find myself wondering whether or not their faith is strong at all.”

I found myself nodding in agreement and relieved to find that someone else, someone I respect, was articulating my feelings on the subject.  I do know that personality plays a role.  I’m an introvert and sometimes a bit shy.  I’ve never been comfortable praying out loud, for instance.  I’ve never made a secret of the fact that I’m a Christian but I’ve also never felt the need to blatantly advertise the fact, announcing it to anyone and everyone.

Take my blog, for instance.  If you read for a length of time you will see casual references to my church and faith.  I mention Advent, Christmas, Lent and Easter as naturally as I write of the changing of the seasons each year.  I’ve shared pictures of our church and a poem I wrote about it.  I wrote about it when my grandmother died.  My faith is an integral part of who I am and anyone who knows me, or reads my writings, will see that over time.  And if they don’t?  Well, I’m of the opinion that if my life doesn’t reflect my faith then announcing it on the sidebar of my blog, frequently quoting scripture, plastering Jesus bumper stickers on my car, etc. are meaningless acts.

“Preach the Gospel at all times — If necessary, use words.” ~ St. Francis of Assisi