Life with Dee

Creating a beautiful life...

Aging Gracefully ~ How the French Woman Does It

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I recently ran into someone I had known years ago and didn’t recognize her. At all. She had had so much cosmetic surgery that she truly was unrecognizable…and not in a good way, I’m sorry to say. As I was driving home later I was thinking about the aging process and how we view it here in America.

 

Aging Gracefully

Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. Read more here.

 

Perhaps it’s because we are inundated with Hollywood images but as a nation we are obsessed with youth. We are constantly bombarded with images of women (why is it mostly women?) who look a good 10, 15, even 20 years younger than their age. I can’t imagine the pressure most actresses face so I’m in no way judging those who have opted for cosmetic surgery.

 

In fact, I don’t judge “regular women” who make that choice either. We all want to look our best and anything that helps us feel better about ourselves is fine, as far as I’m concerned. I started going gray in my 20s so I’ve been coloring my hair for years. And while I admire my friends who have made peace with their gray hair, I’m not there yet. And I might never be. There’s a good chance that I’ll be that 70 year old lady with her monthly appointment to get her hair colored. Heck, I might even opt for purple highlights once in awhile.

 

So what does it mean to age gracefully? How do we learn to accept those inevitable changes as we grow older?

 

What? Were you expecting an answer from me? I don’t really know but I’ve been thinking about it.

 

I find myself looking at older women I admire to see how they are doing it. There are a couple of good examples in my own family. My mom and her sister are both in their 70s yet no one thinks of them as “old”. Neither one colors their gray hair and they both have been sun worshippers all their lives. I do hope I have inherited their good genes because I think they both look beautiful.

 

While these thoughts were rattling around in my head I happened to see this article:

 

     6 Things French Women Can Teach Us About Aging Gracefully

 

Let’s take a look at those “6 Things”, shall we?

1) Women of all ages can be the sensual love interests — and not just the matronly grandmothers — in popular movies.



This is something I would LOVE to see more of. I absolutely adore the movie, Something’s Gotta Give for just this reason. (Well, and that gorgeous beach house.) Diane Keaton is one of those rare American actresses who serves as a great example of aging gracefully sans cosmetic surgery. She has written a book about beauty and aging and I will definitely be reading this one.

 

Let's Just Say It Wasn't Pretty

 

2) Less is best when it comes to makeup — but that doesn’t mean you should skimp on skincare.

I’ve always opted for a more natural makeup look and I’ve become more serious about skincare in recent years. Fortunately I’ve never been a smoker and because I sunburn so easily I have avoided tanning beds and excessive sun exposure all my life. There’s one in my favor!

 

French Complexion

 

Paris Bath and Beauty Book

 

3) Sex should continue to be important.

The article goes on to say that while only 60% of American women over 50 remain sexually active, over 90% of French women do. I don’t know if either of those statistics are accurate (only 60%?) but I certainly know which group I’d rather be in.

 

Frenchwoman's Guide to Sex after 60

 

4) Having just a handful of clothing items that fit perfectly is a lot better than having a whole closet full of items that aren’t all that great.

This is something I need to work on. I don’t buy a lot of clothes…in fact, David often tells me I should buy more. I’m just not much of a shopper and in all honesty, I keep putting it off “until I lose weight”. But I’ve been saying that for years. Maybe it’s time to invest in a few perfect items.

 

French Style

 

5) Walking is the best exercise.



Get yourself a Fitbit and start moving.

Fitbit

 

6) What you eat — and how much you eat — are of vital importance.

Something David and I have noticed is that when I serve dinner in courses, as the French tend to do, we actually eat less. By slowing down the whole dining experience you allow time for your brain to get the signal that you’ve had enough. I also find that a glass of wine with my meal adds to the enjoyment and again, extends the length of our mealtime. We’ve been doing this on Friday nights but I need to work on making it a nightly practice.

 

How to Eat Like the French

How to Eat Like the French

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One thing not mentioned in this particular article is the role men play in all this. I’ve heard that French men have an appreciation for older women that isn’t quite as common here in America. Or perhaps they are just more open about it. I’ve never been to France but I will say that in New Orleans I’ve experienced some of that. I’ve even overheard men there talking about how they genuinely prefer women who are no longer ingenues. Maybe it’s the French influence at play there, too. I do know that it’s a lot easier to feel good about getting older when in the company of people who think you still have something to offer.

 

I’d love to hear your thoughts about aging gracefully. Leave me a comment.

 

French Women Don't Get Facelifts



Aging Gracefully

La Maison ~ Home, the French Way

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Ever since I can remember, I’ve loved to “play house”.  No matter where I was, I nested.  At home, my room was my sanctuary and I loved making it pretty and comfortable.  Next door at my grandparents’ house, I would play by the hour in a corner of her den, setting up a little “house” in which to play with my dolls.  On vacations I would even claim a little area as my own in which to play.

 

As a little girl I longed for the day I would have my own home.  When David and I married, we rented a tiny, one bedroom apartment.  Despite its diminutive size and our lack of furniture or much of anything else, I still enjoyed making it a home.  We’ve since lived in four additional places in our nearly 35 years of marriage and in each one, I’ve done my best to make it attractive, comfortable and homey.

La Maison

 Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for supporting Life With Dee. 

 

From what I’ve read about the typical French woman, home is of vital importance.  It is her sanctuary, her respite from the world, the place where she can be herself.  The French woman may decorate her home in any number of styles and yet there is always something unique and personal about it.  Perhaps because the French value their history and are more likely to renovate rather than demolish and rebuild, there is a sense of permanence in the typical French abode.  Likewise, the passing down of treasured pieces of furniture and other items is common-place so you aren’t likely to see a French home furnished entirely with brand new furniture and decorated to look like the showroom of a furniture gallery.  It’s more personal…a look that is the result of layering new and old items in a one-of-a-kind way.

 

French homes tend to be smaller than the typical American is used to, with rooms doing double duty.  While newer American houses are likely to have two living areas, plus a dining room, the French woman living in an apartment probably only has one living area with a dining table at one end.  While we seem to keep building larger homes with more rooms, the French woman wonders why a family is afraid of intimacy.  I thought this quote from Entre Nous was interesting:
“Eventually, you Americans will have a separate room for every person, including a special bathroom for each pet, and your rooms will be so large you will be able to avoid authentic human contact at all costs!” (Entre Nous by Debra Ollivier pg. 193)

Hmm…makes you think, doesn’t it?  I’m a loner by nature and value my privacy, yet even I am perplexed by many of the homes I see being built these days.  I pretty much quit watching those house hunter shows on HGTV because I was rather put off by all the young couples with only one or two tiny children who absolutely HAD to have at least 4000 square feet, four bedrooms, four bathrooms, one or two offices and a separate playroom for the kids.  While I do know that too many people crammed into a small space, especially without adequate storage, can be very stressful, I think we often go overboard the other way.  There should be a happy medium, don’t you think? While I don’t have any personal interest in the “tiny house” movement, I’m truly pleased to see that some are beginning to consider smaller homes.

Another thing that is usually different about the French woman’s home is that her living room is generally set up in order to encourage conversation rather than being centered around the entertainment center.

Where electronica reigns in many traditional American living rooms, books are king in the French one, and they’re present everywhere: lined up in built-in bookshelves, spilling onto the floor in small piles with well-worn spines and dog-eared pages. (Entre Nous by Debra Ollivier pg. 192)

Now that’s something I truly share with my French sisters.  My home is filled with books.  The laundry room is the one room in my house without books and if I thought the cats would leave them alone, I’d probably have some in there as well.  And while we do have televisions, I haven’t yet caved in on the issue of a large, flat-screen t.v. for the family room.  When we bought this house, we bought a nice entertainment center to house the television and other equipment.  When the doors are closed, all you see is a pretty piece of furniture and I insist on keeping those doors closed unless the t.v. is in use.  It’s located next to our fireplace so the furniture is situated in such a way that we can just as easily watch a crackling fire as the latest sit-com.  I know that media rooms are all the rage but I much prefer our library.  We have a separate room with built-in bookshelves, nice stereo system, the piano and organ, and NO television.  It’s a quiet retreat from busy-ness and too much input.

A room without books...

I’ve recently had a surge of my old interests in interior design and homemaking.  I’m starting to spend more time puttering about, re-arranging decorative items and planning a few changes.  David works long hours in a stressful business so I feel that the least I can do is make our home a peaceful sanctuary for him.  I’m getting in touch with my “inner French girl” and seriously considering ways to make our home life more serene and pleasurable.  I’m sure you’ll be reading more about this from me in the coming months and I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject.

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decoratebookshelvesquote
La Maison - FB

French Friday – some fun resources

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I have recently discovered some delightful online resources with a French flair and would love to share them with you:



1. Tonya Leigh – blog posts, podcasts, live events, online “soirées”, group coaching, and the wonderful “French Kiss Life Club”

The “French Kiss Life Club” group which is probably my favorite place on Facebook these days. You can join the club here (free!).
    

2. The Simply Luxurious Life – blog posts, podcasts, newsletter, recipes, French-inspired living

3. Tranquility Du Jour – blog posts, podcasts, books, events, coaching

I am thoroughly enjoying these resources and highly recommend checking them out. If you know of any similar sites/blogs/podcasts please leave me a comment!

French Friday ~ “Forever Chic” (Chapter 7)

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Chapter Seven
Confronting the Closet Conundrum


If chapter length has anything to do with it, clothing ranks right up there with skin care in the list of what it takes to be as chic as a Frenchwoman. How exactly do those Frenchwomen manage to look put together, stylish and yet give the air that it was all effortless? 
First up, and perhaps the most difficult for many of us, is attitude. The typical Frenchwoman exudes confidence. Her posture says, “Hey, I’m me and I look great.” No matter what one wears, this alone can make a woman more attractive. This is something I’ve noticed from all the people watching I do, especially on our trips to New Orleans. I can’t tell you how many women I’ve seen who couldn’t exactly be called pretty who still manage to exude a degree of confidence which makes them attractive. 
Now, getting to the specifics about clothing, here are the basics which help Frenchwomen achieve their enviable style:
Quality clothing – Their wardrobe may be relatively small but the foundation is a collection of well-made basics which they will wear for many years. They will save and splurge on that black leather pencil skirt and then continue to wear it for ages. The fact that they keep their weight steady makes this possible. 

Neutrals – French women tend to gravitate toward neutrals for the basis of their wardrobe. Black, navy, gray, brown…these form the the bulk of the Frenchwoman’s clothing purchases, particularly those quality pieces she will wear for many years. This also allows her to have a smaller wardrobe. No one is likely to notice if she wears the same black slacks 2 or 3 times a week.

Adding color – Just because she favors neutrals doesn’t mean the Frenchwoman totally eschews color in her closet. It’s just that color is added judiciously, making sure it complements the neutral base of her wardrobe. A beautiful, emerald green cashmere sweater can add a stunning pop of color in a mostly black and gray clothing collection, for instance. But she is likely to limit colorful pieces to perhaps 15-20%. 

Fit – This is the element I think many American women could use help with. The typical Frenchwoman’s clothes fit beautifully and are selected to flatter her feminine curves. Perhaps it’s because fashion is such a huge deal in France and women are surrounded with good examples, but they seem to do a much better job in this regard. 
Tish Jett, the author, devotes several pages of this chapter to detailed descriptions of real French women’s wardrobes including clothing lists. This is actually pretty helpful and has inspired me to inventory my closet and start making a list of what I’d like to add to it. 
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You can read my reviews of previous chapters by clicking on the links below:




French Friday ~ “Forever Chic” (Chapter 6)

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Chapter Six
Exercise? Bien Sur!
La Femme Française Formula:
Fitness For the Fun of It
It is a common notion that French women don’t exercise. According to Tish Jett, the author of “Forever Chic”, this is not true. Exercise classes are extremely popular in France. Pilates, yoga, tai chi and aquagym classes are are all very well-attended. Women of all ages are even taking up jogging. 
French women do, however, prefer an element of fun in their efforts to keep fit. Biking, walking, skiing, tennis, golf…these are activities which provide the French woman with exercise as well as a dose of fresh air, something considered to be very important. 

“Aeration is part of the French esthetic, another aspect of taking good care of oneself.”

One thing the French seem to do better than Americans is simply including more movement in their day-to-day life. The government gets in on the act, too. Along with messages about teaching your children not to snack between meals, the word “Bouger!” (Move!) is periodically flashed on the bottom of the television screen. It would seem that the French, as a culture, take health seriously and aren’t offended by government efforts to encourage healthy eating and exercise. If only that were true in America. 

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You can read my reviews of previous chapters by clicking on the links below:

French Friday ~ “Forever Chic” (Chapter 5)

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Chapter Five
Le Régime 
The Art of Eating Well

Ask most anyone what aspect of the stereotypical “French woman” is most envied and I would wager the #1 response is the ability to stay slim despite all that delicious French food and wine. Or is that just me? Non, I’m sure it’s not. 
In Chapter Five, author Tish Jett delves into this mystery. Yes, French women do indulge in cheese, wine, chocolate, etc. However it’s not quite as mysterious as it seems. There are any number of little tricks the average French woman uses to keep her svelte figure. 
Here are some of my favorites from this chapter:
  • Minimal snacking. The French as a whole discourage indiscriminate snacking between meals. Even children are generally expected to follow a three-meal-a-day eating routine, with perhaps a small, planned afternoon snack (le goûter). 
  • Plenty of fruits and vegetables. Healthy eating is important and by filling up on fruits and veggies, which are generally low in calories, one will consume fewer calories overall. 
  • Mindful eating. Make deliberate choices, eat sitting down, and truly focus on your meals.
  • A first course of salad or soup. This is something I’ve found to be truly helpful. We don’t do it all the time, or even most of the time, but when I serve a salad or something else as a first course, I find that we eat less overall. Tonight, for instance, I’m serving artichokes as an appetizer. Experience has taught me that we will be full on smaller portions of the main course. 
  • Enjoy your food.  This is my absolute favorite tip. Food should be delicious and it should bring true pleasure. Don’t eat just to eat. Prepare delicious meals and then take the time to savor them. And if you decide to indulge in a piece of dark chocolate, don’t feel guilty. Eat it slowly, perhaps with a cup of tea, and enjoy every tiny bite. 
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You can read my reviews of previous chapters by clicking on the links below:

French Friday ~ “Forever Chic” (Chapter 4)

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Chapter Four
Hair Rules
Non, Non, et Non
 
Hair is the subject of Chapter Four and again, “natural” is the name of the game. No teased and lacquered hair for the typical French woman, please. Soft, shiny, and with a bit of swing…that’s the preferred look.
It may look as if it happens effortlessly but French women are willing to make a significant investment in the care of their hair. She will take the time to find just the right cut and (perhaps) color to suit her and budget for the expense of upkeep. She will pinch pennies elsewhere in order to afford professional hair care.
One thing I found interesting is that, according to the author, French women may only wash their hair twice a week. Until fairly recently, I washed mine every day and thought that was essential. However, I’ve discovered that it’s possible to cut back and have your hair actually look better.
Hair length is another consideration, especially for the older woman. At least where I live, most women my age have short hair. I am bucking that trend because I just feel more like “me” with some length. A shoulder-length bob is apparently a popular look for women my age in France but anything goes as long as it’s flattering.
Color is the next topic in this chapter and this is where do-it-yourself is not generally the best choice. This is something I discovered for myself a number of years ago. When I quit my job as a R.N. in order to homeschool our kids, our income was cut in half. In looking for ways to cut expenses I gave up having my nails done and started coloring my own hair. The discontinuation of the color I’d been using and a disastrous attempt with a new color sent me scurrying to a salon to have the damage repaired. It looked SO much better than what I’d been doing myself that David told me to just keep having it done at the salon. Money was no longer a concern but I had just gotten in the habit of doing it myself. However, he convinced me that this was worth leaving to the professionals. There is also a discussion regarding allowing one’s hair to go gray but let me just say, I’m nowhere near ready to make that choice.
Care and maintenance finish off the chapter. Other than argon oil, there aren’t any specific product recommendations. Rather, there are general tips regarding the avoidance of stripping the natural oils from one’s hair and not overusing hair products. One tip I am going to try is applying argon oil before shampooing. I am also on the lookout for a good, deep moisturizing treatment to use once a week.
I think we all feel better about ourselves when our hair looks good and it’s worth the time it takes for every day to be a “good hair day”.
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I planned my day in order to have time to watch a French film I’ve had here from Netflix for the past 2 or 3 weeks. The film was “The Double Life of Veronique”. An interesting film and a nice way to spend a Friday afternoon.
 

French Friday ~”Forever Chic” (chapter three)

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Chapter Three
Le Maquillage
More Than Ever, Less Is More


The overall goal for the Frenchwoman is to appear natural. Hair, skin, style, makeup…a lot of effort may go into achieving it but the goal is a natural, effortless appearance. Tish Jett discusses makeup (maquillage) in Chapter Three, breaking it down into the following categories:
Foundation – choosing the right color, texture/type, how to apply
Powder – translucent powder and how to apply
Bronzer – how to apply for a sun-kissed look
Eyes – mascara, eyeliner, eye shadow, highlighter, eyebrows 
Lips – the two lipsticks every woman needs
Cheeks – cream or powder?
Fragrance – No discussion of French beauty is complete without perfume.

This was my favorite part of Chapter Three. I started wearing fragrance before I was a teenager. Love’s Baby Soft, anyone? I then graduated to Charlie which I thought was quite grownup. And then during high school I discovered Shalimar by Guerlain.. Real French perfume. I was immediately captivated by it and have worn it almost exclusively ever since. It’s expensive but I consider it a necessity and wear it every day. I feel naked without it, and not in a good way. 

This was a fun chapter containing a number of helpful beauty tips. I love the quote the author uses to end the chapter:

“It’s a privilege to be a woman; every woman should abuse that privilege. Forget the past. Do everything according to love, pleasure and passion.” ~ Eric Antoniotti

French Friday ~ “Forever Chic” (chapter one)

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Today is the first “meeting” of the French Chic book club. We are reading Tish Jett’s new book, “Forever Chic: Frenchwomen’s Secrets for Timeless Beauty, Style and Substance”. We are on our way to New Orleans today so this post was written last night, before any actual discussion on our group site.

Tish Jett moved to France “for two years” for her job and more than 25 years later, she’s still there. “Forever Chic” is dedicated to women of “a certain age” (over 40) and is a distillation of what she has learned from close observation of those legendary French women.

The first chapter is: The Allure of La Femme Française d’un Certain Âge


As one who falls into the category of a woman “of a certain age” I’m most definitely interested in how French women remain stylish and alluring no matter their age.

As I read through the chapter I highlighted the following words:

1. Self-confidence
2. Pragmatism
3. Simplicity
4. Quality over quantity
5. Natural
6. Informed
7. Discipline
8. Priority
9. Self-respect
10. Discretion

I now have this list of words written a small piece of paper (in pink ink) by my computer to serve as a reminder.

Tish, who teaches adult English classes, asked her French students (age 44-75) what keeps them young. No one mentioned a facial cream or beauty trick. Here is their list:

Things that keep you young
  • travel
  • classes (everything from painting to yoga)
  • annual museum memberships
  • children and grandchildren
  • entertaining
  • fresh air and long walks
  • eating lots of fruits and vegetables
  • sex
My children are grown and I don’t have grandchildren but I can certainly pull off the rest of that list. In fact, most of those things are already part of my life. 
I enjoyed this first chapter and have already gleaned some helpful advice. I look forward to what the rest of the book holds. If you have the book, I’d love to hear your thoughts. And if you don’t but are interested, consider ordering a copy and joining the discussion here in the weeks to come. 

French Friday – Book Club

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New book for online book club!
Forever Chic by Tish Jett
The French Chic group I belong to decided it would be fun to do an online book club. As we were discussing which book to read first one of our members humbly mentioned that she had a book coming out. Parfait! Several of us pre-ordered and it began shipping this week. 
I received my copy a couple of days ago and I’m really eager to begin reading it. We will probably cover a chapter a week and my plan is to share some highlights here on “French Fridays”. If you’d like to join in, you can order your own copy here. It’s available in hardback and Kindle versions. I have a Kindle but I opted for the hardback so it can take its place amongst my collection of French-themed books. I’m so glad I did because it’s absolutely gorgeous with quality binding and darling illustrations. You should also check out Tish’s blog, A Femme d’Un Certain Age.

Check back next Friday for the first chapter of “Forever Chic”. Bonsoir, mes amis!