If you’ve thought about getting your house in order sometime in the past decade and looked online for help, chances are you are familiar with The FlyLady. Inspired by Pam Young and Peggy Jones, otherwise known as “The Slob Sisters”, Marla Cilley started an email group, first on e-Groups and then Yahoo Groups, as a means of helping others get control of their homes using what she had learned from Young and Jones as a starting point then putting her own spin on it.
I first heard of The FlyLady in the early days when she was still on e-Groups. I received her (numerous) daily emails off and on for years. Even though I tend to be fairly neat by nature, I still found much value in her methods. If I had been living alone in a modest-sized home I probably never would have paid much attention to The FlyLady but at the time I was homeschooling two children in a 3000 square foot house. Having kids at home 24/7 is a challenge, even for someone who is basically neat and orderly. And the amount of “stuff” a homeschooling family acquires is a true test of a family’s organizational skills.
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So I signed up for the emails. Several times a day I would get reminders such as:
- Get dressed to shoes.
- Have you emptied your dishwasher?
- Reboot laundry.
- Swish and swipe bathroom.
- Check your calendar.
This was pre-Facebook days so email was my primary source of online interaction. Even back then some people complained about the number of emails but I didn’t find it a problem. Once you’d read them a few times you knew just by the subject line what it was about so you didn’t even have to open the routine ones. I’d see one show up in my inbox and I’d be reminded to go attend to some task. I’d just delete each one after it was done and at the end of the day delete any I hadn’t done so I’d start each day with a clean slate.
In a way, it was sort of like positive brain washing. If you see a reminder to do something every day it eventually worms its way into your psyche. Even though I haven’t received the emails in years, I still have a little voice in my head which sounds suspiciously like The FlyLady.
In general, I think her methods have merit. For instance, here are some of the things she recommends:
Get dressed: Yes, all the way to shoes, first thing in the morning. Do I do this? Heck no. Do I think it’s a good idea? Absolutely. I tend to stumble out of bed following a night without adequate restful sleep, put on my robe and slippers then head downstairs to get the hot tea my sweet husband has made for me. I then curl up in my chair in the library and start reading Facebook until I realize how much time I’ve wasted. As for shoes, this is a big sticking point with a lot of her followers. It seems many of us balk at the lace-up shoe recommendation. My feet like to be as free as my spirit so the best I can do is a comfy pair of Birkenstocks. But even that is better than barefoot. It’s better for your feet (ask me about plantar fasciitis sometime) and if you have to run outside in a hurry it’s nice not to have to search for a pair of shoes. And I haven’t given up on that notion of getting dressed right away.
Shine Your Sink: The FlyLady calls it the “shiny sink” and has very detailed instructions for this. Once you get your sink clean and shiny initially, the idea is that you return to this state every night before you go to bed. Make sure the dishes are done, the sink has been scrubbed and you’ve laid out a clean dishcloth and towel for the next day. This is the lynchpin of her plan and I totally agree. If I wake up in the morning to a clean kitchen sink the day seems ripe with promise. On the other hand, a sinkful of dirty dishes is a sure way to get off on the wrong foot and to feel behind before the day has even fully started.
Swish and Swipe: This is FlyLady terminology for a daily “lick and a promise” in the bathrooms. Okay, maybe “lick” isn’t the best choice of words. Each day you quickly swish the toilet bowl with a little cleanser of some type. If you do it daily it really doesn’t matter much what you use. A splash of vinegar, a bit of PineSol, a squirt of toilet bowl cleaner – whatever. It literally takes 10 seconds a day to have a clean toilet bowl at all times.
Aside from the toilet, you take a minute or so to put away toiletries and other items, wipe the mirror and sink, pull the shower curtain closed, and put out clean towels if necessary. Once a week you do a more thorough cleaning, including the tub/shower but this daily attention means you’ll never again be embarrassed by a drop in visitor who asks to use your bathroom.
5 Minute Room Rescue: This assumes you have a room, closet, garage, etc. which needs a lot of attention but you keep putting it off because you don’t have a spare 18 hours to clean it. With this method you simply set a timer for 5 minutes and work on it in small bites. If you keep at it regularly you’ll begin to see progress.
27 Fling Boogie: Take a garbage bag and as quickly as you can, walk through your house and find 27 items to throw away. As soon as you have done this, close the bag and throw it away (or put it in your recycling bin if you have one). Then take a box or other container and find 27 items to give away. Put the box in your car and drop it off the next time you are near a place which takes used items. The FlyLady has a reason for choosing the number 27 but you can certainly pick another number. And if you don’t have time to do both the throw away and the giveaway on the same day, alternate.
Morning and Evening Routines: This seems pretty obvious but simple morning and evening routines can make a world of difference. Start small. Pick three things to do in the morning and three at bedtime. Do these consistently for a month or so then add something else.
Hot Spots: In FlyLady lingo, a hot spot is an area of your home which tends to collect clutter. A table near the entry, a corner of a kitchen counter, a bedroom chair, the coffee table, the table by your favorite chair. These are the places where it is all too easy to leave a coffee cup, the day’s mail, unfolded laundry. The thing about hot spots is that they seem to attract clutter. All it takes is ONE item left there and before you know it, it’s piled high with stuff. I’ve found that if I leave something on one of these surfaces it gives the rest of the family permission to do likewise and before you know it, we’ve got a mess. As FlyLady says, “clutter attracts clutter”. Clear these spots and then police them daily.
One of my favorite recommendations is to put something decorative in that spot. If it’s attractive, it’s less likely to become a dumping ground. Clean off your coffee table, polish it well, and place a plant, flower arrangement or bowl of fruit on it. Maybe your family will be less likely to think it’s an alternate wastebasket and will throw away their empty gum wrappers or used tissues instead. Hey, we can always hope!
Zones: If you like tearing your house apart and spending a week deep cleaning until you’re exhausted every spring and fall, have at it. But there is another way. Divide your house into zones and focus on one area each week. In addition to your regularly weekly cleaning, do one or more deep cleaning tasks in that week’s zone. Rotate these chores and over time they all get done. No, you won’t have that awesome feeling of everything spotless all at the same time. But you also won’t need a week to recuperate every spring and fall, either.
Daily laundry: Each morning throw in a load of laundry then be sure to see it all the way through the process. Dry, fold and put away. If you have a family you will likely need to do more than one load, at least on some days. But even at just one load you can be sure everyone has clean underwear and then catch up on the weekends or whatever other day you choose.
When I had kids at home I did approximately 15 loads a week. Mondays were my catch up day and it wasn’t unusual for me to do 5 or 6 loads that day. But by doing one or two loads each day I kept it under control. Now that it’s just the two of us, a load a day plus an extra one or two on Mondays keeps our laundry caught up.
Household Notebook: Take a look at Pinterest and you’ll see that the household notebook or planner is a very popular concept. But when FlyLady first gave the instructions for creating what she calls a Control Journal, it was not on most people’s radar. There are a multitude of ways to create one and it’s important to consider your own lifestyle but the instructions for creating a Control Journal is a good place to start.
Sink Reflections by The FlyLady
So now that I’ve shared what I consider the best of The FlyLady, is there a downside? Yes, I believe there may be. Now, let me just say that her plan was developed for people whose homes are out of control. She refers to it as C.H.A.O.S. – Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome. If your family is regularly out of clean underwear, you’ve resorted to plastic silverware and paper plates because all your dishes are dirty, you have to move piles in order to sit down and you spend an inordinate amount of time every day trying to find things then I believe her plan is well-suited to getting a handle on the situation.
That was not the case for me, however. I was simply looking for a structured plan for making sure everything got done on a routine basis. And in many ways her methods worked. But over time I began to notice something that concerned me. The emphasis on doing tasks quickly (often with a timer) and just barely “good enough” started to make me think of housekeeping as simply a series of tasks to do as fast as possible to get them out of the way. And if you despise housework on a deep and visceral level this might be a good thing. But I was one of those little girls who loved to play house and couldn’t wait to grow up and have a real home to take care of.
In those early days of marriage I loved taking the time to set the table with our wedding china, even if we were just having hot dogs. I enjoyed cleaning and scrubbing until everything sparkled and smelled wonderful. I was forever moving things around, decorating and basically playing house on a grownup level. I’m a nester by nature.
The message I was receiving from FlyLady emails was that perfectionism was the enemy. Set a timer, follow instructions, get it done and then go do something fun. Don’t worry about those extra touches. But I think there’s another way to look at housework.
When I think back to my childhood days I am reminded of the way my grandmother kept house. There were no lists, no timers, no housekeeping journals. She approached homemaking in a more natural, organic way.
People needed to eat so she cooked meals. She did the dishes after each meal so they would be clean for the next one. Beds were made each morning as a matter of course. When there were enough clothes for a load, she ran the washing machine. I didn’t ask her if she had specific days for such things as cleaning bathrooms or vacuuming or if she just did them when they needed doing. I do know she was in the habit of cleaning the refrigerator on Saturday mornings, though.
I never heard Grandma complain about keeping house. On the contrary, she hummed or whistled while she went about her tasks. She never seemed rushed. She kept a tidy and comfortable home, even with eleven grandchildren in and out all the time. And she seemed to enjoy the process or had at least made peace with it.
That is what I’m aiming for. I can make use of many FlyLady methods but with my own philosophy of mindfulness. Instead of rushing through a task with an eye toward the next thing on my to-do list, I’m trying to focus on what I’m doing. The feel of warm, soapy water on my hands as I wash dishes. Noticing the way sunlight reflects off a freshly polished mirror. Taking a few minutes to rearrange the decorative items on the coffee table after dusting it. I find that I tend to enjoy the things I put a bit more effort into and housework is no exception.
So while I do think The FlyLady has some terrific ideas and many of her methods are worth trying, I would also encourage a bit of caution. I believe there is something to be said for finding ways to make housework a pleasure whenever possible. Develop a regular morning routine but then take a few minutes to do a little something extra. After you swish and flush the toilet, add a few drops of a favorite essential oil. Light a candle and play some music while doing the dinner dishes. Iron your pillowcases when you change the sheets. These small touches help elevate housework from drudgery to creative expression. And isn’t that a happier way to take care of our homes?
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Other posts you may enjoy:
How to Create Your Own Homemaking Binder
Ironed Pillow Cases ~ A Little Luxury
A Clean (-ish) House in 30 Minutes a Day
Note: I originally wrote and published this as a guest author on the (sadly) no-longer-published site, The Glamorous Housewife. Bethany Herwegh, the site owner, granted me permission to republish it here. The graphic at the top of this post was Bethany’s work from the original post on her site.
Ha! I think you finally helped me see what I came to dislike about flylady….and why she seemed to no longer fit my life. I have kept the highlights, the good things but I prefer mindfulness and in my homemaking and savoring the process of making it clean and pretty. Great post!!
I’m glad you enjoyed it. And I’m not surprised you feel the same way about homemaking. 😉
What a great and balanced viewpoint! I also have a pros and cons list but for me, the cons were that the emails began to feel like my nagging mom’s voice. Something I have gotten over since. LOL I have also always worked full time outside the home (or at least for most of the time) and so sometimes it was hard to make it work for my schedule. I like the idea of a daily load of laundry but I never adopted that method simply because since we both work, it becomes difficult to remember if you already wore that outfit in the week if it’s always put right back in the closet and I felt like it would wear out our clothes faster. So I still do our week’s worth of laundry on Saturday mornings. But it’s only been mine and my husband’s for years – I started making our girls do their own laundry when they were in middle school.
I recently started watching someone on YouTube who works full time but is doing a 28 day FlyLady challenge. It’s a good look at how to incorporate the plan for a working woman. She’s French (lives in USA, though) and I really like her. Very down-to-earth. If you’re interested let me know and I’ll get the link for you.
I would love to see this link.
My husband & I both work full time, outside of the home. I could use some ideas to better care for my home around my tight schedule,
Hi Amanda. Have you joined my Facebook group “Make Over Your Life With Dee”? We just started a 31 Day FlyLady challenge. I’ll add the link to this post for easy access.
I enjoyed Flylady, even though I already am a structured person. But, when I started living on my own… I needed to develop a routine, because strangely, my routines disappeared!! I’d like to get back into following her.
Are you in my Facebook group, Make Over Your Life With Dee? I just started leading the group through a 31 day FlyLady challenge. If you aren’t there already, feel free to join. I added the info to the top of this post.
Loved this article!! I laughed when you wrote that your grandma didn’t have a schedule. I think these days we are so good at over complicating our lives. I’ve tried for over a year to stick to the flylady and well I just don’t. I have crafted my own flylady-ish system. I created my own zones that get one full week each, a monthly, quarterly and yearly master list along with a daily schedule. This feels much more flexible to me. For the life of me I could never stick to her weekly schedule and each time I jumped back on the zone wagon it was always for the bathroom LOL.
I think FlyLady can be helpful for people who honestly don’t know where to begin but the key to making any system work is customizing it to our own life. I find that my house is a little too big and my available time is too limited for 5 zones. I’m going to try dividing into 7 zones instead and see if that works better.
To be fair, I think older generations of keeping house was because that was literally their only job (and to take care of the children). Lucy Ricardo’s only ambition was to be in Ricky’s shows. June never seemed to have any ambitions. Myself, I’d rather be making artwork for galleries and shows, reading, playing with my kids than cleaning. Did we ever see June get down on the floor and play jacks and balls with Beaver?
There are definitely cons with Flylady (I don’t like cleaning everyday) but I think the goal is to have more time on our hands for fun, growth (going to school) or self care.
I’d agree to a certain extent, that the earlier generations had a different view point on housekeeping because they had a different viewpoint, period. From what I’ve seen, it wasn’t because one liked housework, typically.
It was because you had no choice – your husband was never, ever going to step in and help, typically. And you would be judged by how well you did this job you had no choice in, often by your peers, and that had huge social consequences. Not to mention you could be punished by your husband if you didn’t do it – he had control of the money; heck, he even had physical control over you, as the wife. Beating your wife, or confining her to your house, or keeping her from being able to buy clothes when hers got old and threadbare? Those were things husbands could do, and have done, if they were not happy with their wives.
So you made your peace with what you had to do as a wife, or you paid the emotional, or sometimes physical, price for it
I feel like I have a bit of a closer look at this because my mother was not from my country. In her country, issues relating to gender were about a generation behind where they are in America, so I got to see my aunts and uncles, living in their home country, and how these women dealt with chores and housework, up close and personal when I was an adult, but they were still younger.
Getting the chores done as a matter of fact, without fanfare? Definitely present. Having your house judged by other women in the community as a standard of if you were a good wife? Absolutely present. Getting crap from husbands if you didn’t do a good job – I never got to see it, because the women ALWAYS had the houses spotless, and worked twice as long as the men to get it that way. No complaining? Only in the presence of men and children, or in social situations, but when you had only adult women related to each other? Complaints about cleaning came out in spades (along with those about husbands, honestly).
There was no complaining to try and change something, because it was accepted that ‘this is the way it is.’ But acceptance and enjoyment are two very different things that I think it’s important to remember when we are looking at history, IMHO.
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That’s not to say that it’s wrong to enjoy cleaning – I know many people who enjoy the heck out of it. But I know many more who do not. And it’s not wrong NOT to enjoy it, any more than it’s wrong TO enjoy it, you know?
I will never forget joining a multi-national mother’s group and finding out how many other country’s women thought it was insane that so many mothers in the USA cleaned like we do. They attach no moral or social positives to keeping one’s house clean by oneself. It’s viewed as any other labor involved in one’s life: if you don’t like to do it, or aren’t good at it, hire someone to do it for you as soon as you have the money.
Hate taxes? Hire an accountant. Don’t know about cars? Hire a mechanic. Hate house cleaning? Get a housecleaner.
Because a cleaner will often do it better, faster, and they may not like it either but THEY are getting paid for it…unlike us. Admittedly, this was such a common point of view in their countries that even people barely above the poverty level could afford someone to clean their place, whereas it is more expensive here.
That was such a completely different viewpoint for me at the time, and it really made an impression. Because I absolutely do hate housecleaning, and a lot of my life that I would rather spend on other things I DO like are spent on housecleaning. I’m sure others would have the same opinion if they had to spend time doing what I love, if they hated it as much as I hate housecleaning.
Don’t get me wrong, I do think it is helpful to learn to enjoy something about one’s process of cleaning if we don’t have money to spend to pay someone else to do it (or want to spend the money elsewhere). Why not try to enjoy what you HAVE to do? It’s silly not to do that, if it’s something that is so repetitive and constant in our lives. I love music, for example, so I dance when I clean to make it bearable. I like the dancing.
But I still hate the cleaning. With a visceral intensity that has lasted nearly 5 decades and is unlikely to change, and nothing about it really appeals to me at all. Not soapy water, not smells from cleaning agents, not arranging things – heck, I am the person who picks a spot for a knick knack and leaves it there for ten years because moving it would require mental energy I do not have for that sort of thing.
I love your comments. I had to discontinue Fly Lady. Prolific e.mails got to me. I felt one a day would have been plenty but it seemed like 6-10 were coming in daily and I just would delete. Who needs all those e.mails in their in-box?
I learned the Flylady system from the You Tube channel of Diane in Denmark so I got all the best parts of the system with a huge dose of Danish Hygge added in. It has totally enriched and upgraded our lives. My hubs and I are retired and the routines and structures have created a lot of freedom and joy. I’m so grateful for Diane in Denmark and also loving the sweet Steph from The Secret Slob channel.
I love Diane in Denmark! I’ve recently subscribed to The Secret Slob but have only seen one or two of her videos so far.
I agree so much with these comment! I believe the Flylady system is great for helping people get on some sort of track. I will admit that although my sink doesn’t always appear shiny, I try to ensure dishes are done before bed. I work 12-hour shifts and adhering to the zones is nearly impossible since my work week often consists of rushed drives through traffic to/from Los Angeles. I might have one hour to eat and get ready for bed before I do it all over again. During a good week, I have time to unload the dishwasher before heading out at 4am. Doing laundry daily is impossible since I live in a townhouse and I share a washer/dryer with 4 other units. I also found the control journal almost over the top. Some great ideas, but I spent more time trying to construct one that would work for me. I may revisit some of her ways when I retire at the end of the year, but right now is survival mode. In an ideal world, I would have time to clean like she recommends…but if I had that much time, I would probably prioritize things like finally walking the dog and taking up those hobbies I’ve passed on for all these years. LOL
With a grueling schedule like yours you have to just do what you can to survive. The best advice I can offer is to be really good about putting things away as you use them so the house stays reasonably tidy during the work week. At some point during the weekend set a timer for the amount of time you are willing to devote to cleaning, zip through as quickly as possible and then when the timer goes off…quit. Pretend you are cleaning someone else’s home for pay so you are forced to stick to the main priorities without getting sidetracked. I’ll bet you can’t wait to retire! I’d love to hear about those hobbies you plan to take up. 🙂
Although the flylady DOES encourage using a timer, and checklists, it isn’t the main point. The main point is self care. I think you’ve missed some points. One being the reason for using the timer. The timer is there not to rush you to move quickly. It is there to remind you to stop and to set a limit for those of us who may feel overwhelmed. Although there may be some people who may get stressed using a timer because they may feel rushed, this is definitely not the point to get everything done in the time allotted. She says to stop even if not everything is checked off. It also isn’t about mediocrity in cleaning, but about not being a perfectionist. Perfectionism is like a poison to productiveness. She mentions she wanted cleaning to be a happy thing not like a chore. In her book she mentions she grew up with stressful spring cleaning because the adults in her home made it a negative thing so she didn’t want that for herself and her children. She wanted it to be fun and even enjoyable.
I can see those points and I do realize I’m not exactly her target audience. I started reading her emails before she even had a website and she was sharing in a very personal way. She often talked about B.O.s or “born organized” types and how different their thought processes are compared to her and the people she is aiming her advice toward. I’m one of those “born organized” types, although with age/exhaustion/busy-ness I don’t always keep up as well as I used to. So I understand that my response to some of her methods might not be the same as others. As I say in the post, I do think there is a lot to recommend in her methods. And for some people it’s exactly what they need.
I am a FlyLady mentor. I have used the Flylady concepts for almost 2 decades. I hold workshops classes (Free) to help those getting started a better understanding of the FlyLady way of life.
You are correct about the enjoyment of making our homes a sweet place.
I am the author of CHAOS to Peace – a 31 day devotional that provides inspiration for each of FlyLady’s Baby Steps.
Marla (FlyLady) wrote the forward.
Hi Karen! How cool that Marla wrote the forward for your book. I’ll check it out.
As a 58 year old woman who decided she’d better do what her mother did BY HERSELF and never taught me, I was practically raised by a Fly Lady.
All this woman is really teaching is “clean as you go”. Don’t leave dirty dishes in the sink if you have a dishwasher. Load the darned washer and turn it on. That pile of clothes you take off from work and stack up in your bedroom? Throw it in the wash. Brushing your teeth? Toss some cleaner in the toilet and swish it when you’re done.
Did I always do this? Nope. That’ was my “independence” when I first moved out. But after sitting on the sofa for the 15th time and looking at a rug that needed to be vacuumed, I just got up and did it. Nowadays, if it stands out to me, it gets done. You may have children (and sometimes use that as an excuse), but I have three dogs. Same kind of messes.
I indulge myself one weekend day with the lounge around in pajama’s but usually by noon, I”m dressed and doing whatever needs to be done. When I think back on my childhood, where my mom let none of us help her around the house because “I can do it faster and get it over with”, the only time of day the washer/dryer wasn’t running was while she was at work. She cooked and fed us breakfast, cleaned up, loaded the dishwasher and turned it on – already fully dressed for work. When she got home, she emptied the dishwasher, started dinner, changed her clothes, threw laundry in the washer and REPEAT until she went to bed. And yet she still had time to sew, watch TV, do crafts with me…
Blows my mind that she did all of that. And the shopping and the school clothes and my dad, blah blah. No wonder when she took a bath we were forbidden to bother her unless we were bleeding and/or on fire.
My advice is, if it’s dirty, clean it. If it’s clean, unload it, and if you have kids, make it a game. There’s no reason in the world not to show your kids what you have to do in order to keep a house on a somewhat clean basis. And stop keeping “Control Journals” for house keeping. That’s just a flipping waste of time. Read Deanna’s grandmothers day, aim for balance.
– signed, an old person who learned this stuff the hard way.
“Clean as you go” is truly the most helpful advice and is how I’m currently keeping my head above water in a busy season. I understand, though, that some people aren’t wired that way and just don’t seem to see the messes. They need schedules, at least until habits are formed. Like most things in life, there is often more than one way to “skin a cat”, as the old saying goes.