The other day I told someone that when I’m angry I clean house and that from the looks of things I had been in an awfully good mood for a long time. However, I think my house is going to be spic-and-span by the end of the day.
I keep thinking that people who are supposed to care about me, my husband and my children will eventually put aside their need to publicly deride the things we hold dear. I don’t expect people to agree with us and I honestly appreciate differing views. But when it becomes a matter of putting down other’s views instead of merely promoting your own, or purposely rubbing our faces in your hatred of our ideals (in front of the rest of the family), then don’t be surprised when we have little to say to you.
In my continuing quest to live an authentic life, true to myself and my highest ideals, I’m discovering that I may have to eliminate toxic people from my life. I hate that because family is very important to me. But perhaps I need to redefine “family”. Just because someone is related by blood or marriage doesn’t necessarily mean they are family in the truest sense of the word. Relatives, yes. Family? Maybe not. And just because someone doesn’t have any genetic ties doesn’t mean they can’t truly be family.
We are blessed to have so many amazing people in our lives who may not share DNA but whom we consider to be part of our family. I have to chuckle each time a young adult friend asks if David and I will adopt them. We always say yes, even though some of these people aren’t all that much younger than we are. You can never have too many great people in your life. Fortunately Chris and Lisa happily welcome new “siblings” into the fold. They, too, are learning how to define “family” and are hopefully learning some lessons now which I didn’t learn until my 40s.
Darn it. I think that anger I was feeling has been replaced by pity for some and gratefulness for others. And I really do need to clean house. Maybe I should listen to Glenn Beck for a little while…
I know exactly how you feel. Great writing!
Anne-Marie, I'm sure we all have people like that in our lives. David and I are looking forward to seeing you and the rest of the Krewe in NOLA soon. New Orleans and the people we've met there are a like a balm for our souls.
We left family in the dust years ago. Family can just be TOXIC.
I clean house when I'm mad, too. I haven't been mad in awhile… 😉
Jaci, it's that parallel lives thing again. 😉
I'm an "angry cleaner" too. I did this for years. It wasn't until we moved to the stone cottage and my husband who found himself cleaning with me (8 acres requires a man's help) that he pointed it out to me. I had never even really noticed it. After a few angry cleaning sessions – he finally sat me down and said no more. It was too stressful for him. That was tough because I had to really retrain my cleaning habits. I feed off the adrenaline of anger and it is amazingly powerful at getting things done. Let's just say, I am still working on it!
As for negative relatives. I had to divorce a sibling very recently. It was 15 years overdue and lots of chances have been given to that person. I risked losing other relatives but I am okay with that now. None of that history matters anymore. I am done putting any emotional, mental, spiritual and most importanly, verbal energy towards them. It's like I said in my post – what is the good of living a happy love-filled life when all it takes is ONE person to just cancel that out. I used to spend days, even going to sleep thinking about the mean things this person did. I am so done with that.
Part of living an authentic life, is only allowing others that are striving for the same.
People are asking me about it and I just keep telling them the same thing. It's not about this person anymore. It's about ME and my husband making the decision to keep our family safe. This decision doesn't just apply to one person, it applies to EVERYTHING in our life.
I will probably be blogging about it more soon. Not about this person (I'm done with that) but about the steps we are doing to weed out negativity and people who really don't contribute to our future success and growth.
Thank you for sharing! I love this. It helps that we're not the only ones.