Caleb is a food enthusiast, aspiring gastronome, and Ina Garten fanboy. His dream in life is to open a specialty foods store and catering service. Although an infrequent blogger, you can read his musings on life, dispensationalism, and the ubiquitous “Twilight” saga on “Ragamuffining Around” at velvetragamuffin.blogspot.com.
Baking is an undertaking not for the weak-hearted. It’s tedious to measure and knead and sit and wait and rest and lather and rinse and repeat. I don’t recommend it for the casual cook.
That’s why I don’t do it.
I hate baking and everything associated with it. Not only do I have the patience of an ADHD 12 year old on Christmas Eve, I think I have this subconscious fear that I will be GOOD at it. If I’m good at baking, then it’s only a matter of time before Mimi decides she doesn’t need to make her homemade yeast rolls for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Passover, Canada Day, or Thursday evening.
My God those are delicious.
I digress.
Even though I don’t bake I’ve just always had an unbridled lust for beer bread. It’s like cheat baking because the beer does all of the work for you. All you have to do is add flour and stir. Add some herbs and cheese and you’ve got people groveling at your feet and offering a cow as a dowry for you to marry their daughter.
Here is what you need:
Three cups flour, three tablespoons sugar, one and a half tablespoons baking powder, 1 teaspoon kosher salt (pretend my salt box is on the cutting board please, thankyouverymuch), two bottles of your favorite beer, ¼ cup of extra virgin olive oil (use extra-virgin, don’t use the cheap stuff, you really need the bold flavor to stand up to the beer, herbs, and cheese), two cloves of garlic, fresh basil, fresh rosemary, Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese, Jarlsberg cheese, and cracked black pepper (pretend my peppermill is on the cutting board please, thankyouverymuch).
You also need this piece of specialty equipment. It is a copper beating bowl and you can find one at your local Williams-Sonoma store for a one-time low price of $190!
Just kidding. A regular mixing bowl will work just fine. I just used this one because the copper, even though it’s old and worn out, looked really pretty with my camera flash. Copper bowls are so wonderful if you steal them from your grandmother’s kitchen without her knowing because she hasn’t made a soufflé with it in fifteen years.
The first thing you do is smash the two cloves of garlic with the back of your knife. You’re not going to chop or mince them in any way; you’re just going to use them to infuse your olive oil.
Smashing the cloves will leave them whole, release their juices and oils, and also help remove the paper skins they have.
Measure out ¼ cup of your extra virgin olive oil. It tastes so much better if it’s extra virgin olive oil that your Mimi brought back from her vacation in Italy
Nah, Apple Market brand olive oil will work just fine. I just like to show off and be pretentious in the kitchen. It’s what’s going to get me a gig on Food Network one of these days.
Pour the olive oil into a COLD skillet and throw in the cloves of garlic. Turn the heat on the lowest possible setting. This will slowly infuse the oil with the garlic flavors without actually cooking anything or damaging the natural flavors of the oil. You will have this going for about ten minutes while you get the rest of your ingredients together.
Finely chop your rosemary. If you don’t chop it really fine then your bread is going to taste like a damn Christmas tree because it will be so pine-ey.
Chiffonade your basil. What you’ll do is stack your basil leaves on top of each other and then roll them into a tube. Once they’re tightly rolled, use a VERY sharp knife and run it through. This will give you ribbons of basil and they won’t be bruised because you used your honing steel on your chefs knife.
Here comes the intimidating part of baking: measuring ingredients. Into a sifter you will measure out three cups of all-purpose flour.
Then you will add three tablespoons of sugar.
You will then add 1 ½ tablespoons of baking powder. Make sure you’re using baking POWDER and not baking SODA.
Sift all the ingredients into the bowl. This will incorporate your dry ingredients and separate them into a powder which will prevent clumps.
Add a teaspoon of kosher salt. You can use regular salt if you’d like but I really like kosher salt because it has a softer flavor that isn’t as harsh as regular table salt. Plus, I’m pro-Jew. Mazel tov!
You’ve made it through the hard part. Reward yourself with one of those bottles of beer. Om nom nom nom.
Add one bottle of beer to your dry ingredients. Using a silicone spatula incorporate all of the ingredients until it’s a very tacky dough. If it’s actually liquid and not tacky, add flour in small increments and stir until it’s a tacky consistency. If it’s too dry, add some more beer.
This is the consistency you’re looking for with your dough.
Pour your warm garlic infused oil into the batter. I used a strainer just so I wouldn’t have to fish the garlic out of the dough.
Add freshly cracked black pepper to your dough. How much? It’s up to you. I like a lot of pepper in mine though.
Add your basil chiffonade into the dough. I used probably about a generous tablespoon, but this is one of those ingredients you don’t really need to measure. That’s always a good thing for me. I hate measuring for baking, another reason why I never bake.
Measurements are boring and oppressive. I have to be creative when I can.
Don’t hate, I’m just bein’ Miley.
You need to freshly grate about ½ cup of Jarlsberg cheese and ¼ cup of Parmigianno-Reggiano. Get the good stuff. And don’t get pre-grated. You’ll thank me later.
Mix the pepper, basil, and cheese into the dough with the spatula. Don’t worry about the gluten activating from over-mixing; that’s what you want. This bread is best when it’s a bit dense.
Get a standard non-stick loaf pan and pour about a tablespoon of your extra virgin olive oil into it. Using a paper towel, wipe every surface inside the loaf pan. You don’t want your bread to stick (I mean, this dough is SUPER tacky, almost as tacky as “Toddlers and Tiaras”). Plus, the oil will help it get a nice golden crust on the exterior.
Pour your batter into the loaf pan and spread it so that it’s even across the top.
Sprinkle some of your chopped rosemary on top of the bread. I didn’t use very much because rosemary is so powerful of a flavor. Maybe ½ a teaspoon sprinkled lightly over the top.
Place the bread in your 350 degree preheated oven on the middle rack and leave it alone. Depending on your oven, it will take ballpark an hour to bake. Check it often after it has baked for 40 minutes though.
When your bread comes out of the oven, it will have a firm crust and be golden brown.
I realize this one doesn’t look golden brown but the camera flash washed out the colors. Excuse me; I’m not a pro at kitchen photography.
Turn the bread out onto the cutting board. I had to use my knife to run along the sides of the loaf pan because it still stuck a little.
Slice as thick as you want. Taste. Orgasm. Believe in God. Pass “go” and collect $200.
I really hope you all enjoy this recipe. The best part is that once you master the technique, you can flavor it however you want. Just as long as your dry ingredient measurements are the same and you use the same amount of beer and fat, you can add whatever you want. I plan on trying sharp cheddar and dill in the future. Give me feedback on what ways you do this bread!
you are invited to follow my blog
Steve: And you are invited to read mine and comment on the post rather than spamming. 😉
I've made this with a good English Cheddar and Dill…it is very good as well. I still add the Parm, it just gives it a little something extra…and it works with the beer!! Great recipe and as usual, great writing. You make me laugh and that is your purpose on earth, right?
nice caleb… ree would be proud 🙂
oh and I am totally telling mimi you have her bowl