Today is David’s birthday so I thought it would be fun to interview him. I caught him before he started playing his new Wii. I don’t think it would have happened if I had waited. Here goes:
Me: Okay, let’s get the obvious stuff out of the way first.
How old are you today?
Capt. Dave: 47 years old
Me: How does it feel to be 47 years old?
Capt. Dave: Same as 46, better than 50
Me: Are you having a midlife crisis?
Capt. Dave: Nope.
Me: Have you ordered the Harley yet?
Capt. Dave:Thinkin’ about it.
Me: Tell my readers how we met.
Capt. Dave: First time I saw you was while getting on the bus to go miniature golfing. I was drawn to you immediately.
Me: What did you think when you saw me the first time?
Capt. Dave: Wow.
Me: Do you remember what I was wearing?
Capt. Dave: Sweater and jeans, I think.
Me: Well, that’s half right.
(some backtracking and efforts to describe my pants)
Me: Do you want to tell everyone what your nickname for me was/is?
Capt. Dave: Dimples or peaches?
Me:Well, that’s not the one I was thinking of.
Capt. Dave: Oh, C.B. (laughing)
Me: And what does that stand for.
Capt. Dave: Cute butt. Are our kids going to read this?
Me: What is one of your best memories from our highschool days?
Capt. Dave: Water gun fights while driving around town in our Mustangs.
Me: When did you first decide you wanted to be a farmer?
Capt. Dave: Still haven’t!
Me: Okay, so when did you decide to become a pirate?
Capt. Dave: About a year ago. Or wait…it was Halloween last year.
Me: What is your pirate name?
Capt. Dave: Captain Dave Pierre Blackheart.
Me: What’s your ship’s name?
Capt. Dave: The Black Sorrow.
Me: Is it a real ship?
Capt. Dave: Yes.
Me: You can sail my ship anytime.
Capt. Dave: (Laughter)
Me: How do you feel about the fact that our kids grew up practically overnight?
Capt. Dave: Sad.
(Can you tell that Chris didn’t get his wordiness from his father?)
Me: What do you like best about being a dad?
Capt. Dave: Having kids.
Me: If we have grandchildren someday will you spoil them?
Capt. Dave: Yes. (again with the wordiness)
Me: Where is your favorite place to vacation?
Capt. Dave: N’Awlins.
Capt. Dave: Because I like to be a pirate and party in New Orleans.
Me: Will you take me there soon?
Capt. Dave: Yes. In October.
Me: Can I have a giraffe?
Capt. Dave: No.
(Darn; he was actually listening)
Me: What do you do for a living?
Capt. Dave: Answer phones. Listen to everybody’s problems and act like I care.
(He’s a regional manager for a chemical company.)
Me: Do you like your job?
Capt. Dave: Yes. Sometimes. Sometimes I want to be a bartender.
Me: Would you ever move back to California?
Capt. Dave: No. Let me rephrase that. Hell, no.
Me: Would you move to New Orleans?
Capt. Dave: Hell, yes! Today or tomorrow?
(I can be packed in a few hours.)
Me: What’s your favorite food that I cook?
Capt. Dave: Probably sweet and sour meatballs. Or your chicken enchiladas. Or lasagna. You’re just a great cook.
Me: Favorite dessert?
Capt. Dave: Cherry pie. A la mode. With coffee. And Baileys. It’s everything I need.
Me: You’re in luck. That’s what you’re having tonight.
Me: What’s your favorite color?
Capt. Dave: Blue.
Me: Is that because my eyes are blue?
Capt. Dave: Yep.
Me: Name three songs that make you think of me.
Capt. Dave: Best Friend by Queen
Closer by Nine Inch Nails
Me: What’s your favorite movie?
Capt. Dave: Pirates of the Caribbean I, II, and III
(I saw that one coming.)
Me: Do you read my blog?
Capt. Dave: Sometimes.
Me: Why don’t you read it every day.
Capt. Dave: Phones, emails, idiots.
Me: If you won the lottery what would you do with the money?
Capt. Dave: Move to New Orleans.
Me: When you were a little boy what did you want to be when you grew up?
Capt. Dave: Race car driver. Actually a race car mechanic.
Me: Not a farmer?
Capt. Dave: Not a farmer.
Me: What else would you like to tell my readers about yourself?
Capt. Dave: I have a great, wonderful, fantastic wife.
Me: Good answer.
Me: Anything else?
Capt. Dave: Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Me: About me?
Capt. Dave: You’re everything your readers think you are
Me: Your plans for world domination?
Capt. Dave: The world needs to be very afraid.
And now the captain is playing golf on his new Wii. He just said, “Chris is whuppin’ me”. Guess he’ll have to practice.
Happy birthday to my favorite pirate. I love you even if you are nuts. Or maybe because.