Are you familiar with the French expression, “une femme d’un certain âge”? The literal translation is “a woman of a certain age”. Within the English language “a certain age” alludes to spinsterhood and yet the French, God love ’em, give it a different twist.
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Celebrating the Mature Woman
The psychotherapist, Lillian B. Rubin, wrote a book titled,Women of a Certain Age: The Midlife Search for Self, in 1979. At that time, she considered midlife to be age 35 to 54. Of the origins of the phrase “a certain age” Ms. Rubin says:
…it has a long history in French, where it refers to women of fortyish and thereabouts who are able to initiate boys and young men into the beauties of sexual encounters.
I first became aware of the phrase as a member of a Yahoo Group, “French Chic”. I don’t recall it ever used in the way Dr. Rubin describes but rather as an elegant term for women which we in America would likely refer to as “middle-aged” or “older”. You see, not all cultures worship youth to quite the same degree we do here in the United States.
Sure, everyone appreciates the fresh beauty of a young girl but some cultures also venerate the more mature woman. The woman who has experienced life and has developed a sense of who she is still has much to offer. In fact, despite the stereotype of men leaving their wives for younger women, there are many men who genuinely prefer a more mature woman.
I was pleasantly surprised to hear two different men in two different bars express just that sentiment on one of our trips to New Orleans. They were the ones who brought up the topic and both said something to the effect, “What would we talk about??” in referring to the notion of middle aged men dating young girls. They were chatting mostly with David but I felt a lot of gratitude to these men who were able to appreciate the qualities of a woman in my age group.
When I turned 50 a few people asked how I felt about that. Okay, it wasn’t a few – it was my mom. I still distinctly remember her having such a hard time with the idea of turning 30 that she ended up actually ill on her birthday. That made a big impression on me as a young girl. I could have gone either way with it but I decided long ago that I would not mourn the passing of years. There’s no point in pining for the past, anyway. I’m very much a “bloom where you’re planted” type and I try to embrace the here and now.
The thing is, I wouldn’t be 20 again for all the tea in China. Okay, I’d take my 20 year old body but otherwise? No way. I’ve worked hard to shed insecurities, hang-ups, prejudices, assumptions, etc. I’m happier and have a greater sense of freedom than ever before. I have a better sense of who I am and what’s important in life. Hint: It can’t be found at the mall.
There is a long history of women being denigrated for everything from tempting Adam in the garden to having the nerve to expect equal pay.
If you’re in my age group you’ll no doubt remember the Virginia Slims cigarette slogan aimed at women, “You’ve come a long way, baby.”
That marketing campaign began in 1968 and while we’ve made even greater strides in the decades since, I’d have to say we still have a long way to go. And that is why it is vital that women set aside our own petty differences and support our sisters. We need to stop beating up one another over our mothering choices, social and political views, what we wear, how we look, where we shop, how we worship (or don’t), and the multitude of other ways in which we judge each other.
There are many forces at work to stifle our voices, take away our choices and limit our ability to chart our own course. Rather than tearing one another down we should be giving each other a hand up. Sometimes women are criticized for being too emotional or not rational enough but I believe it is precisely those more intuitive traits which can help make our world a gentler place.
As “une femme d’un certain âge” I find myself at a stage in life where I have more time to volunteer for the causes I believe in. Hopefully my life experiences have helped me determine where my efforts are best spent, too. I consider it an honor and a privilege to deliver Meals on Wheels, serve on various boards and committees, and work to make my community a better place. All of these are very important to me and I take my role within each very seriously. That is truly one of the blessings of this stage in my life.
I had looked toward the empty nest years with a bit of sadness but I must say that I’m loving it now. I absolutely adored raising my children and threw myself into mothering whole-heartedly. But that stage is over and now I get to enjoy my children as adults. They are both exceptionally fine people and I love spending time with them. In addition to more time for volunteer activities, I also have more time for David and that makes both of us happy. All in all, I’d have to say this is an absolutely wonderful stage in a woman’s life.
I’d like to encourage all my female friends to ignore the voices (especially those in your own head) which tell you that you are anything less than terrific. Live life on your own terms. Enjoy where you are now and expect the future to be even better. Nurture. Create. Laugh. Sing. Dance. Hug the people you love and cook them something delicious. Then do something just for yourself because heaven only knows we spend most of our time doing things for others. Shake off the chains of “what will others think?” and embrace your true essence.
In short (oops, too late!), recognize and appreciate your power as a woman. You are amazing!
I’m not advocating smoking but for those of you too young to remember this, it’s a classic:
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Note: This was originally posted as part of a blog challenge. It is being reposted with slight editing.
well said , Deanna!
thanks for the invite over ~ have liked the event page and am scrambling thru my own thoughts in response =)
love to hear all your involvements and wish you every cont'd success in your contributions !!
I LOVE your post honey! 🙂
Just popping in from the Blog Hop.
Wow, by the time I've read all these empowering posts I'll be walking on air! 🙂
Xx
That video is hilarious. Oh my.
I love this post, Dee. What you said is just so beautiful. I have NOT heard that phrase in French, nor did I know what it meant, so I learned something with that. It does not surprise me that the French are so intelligent about that kind of thing. Wasn't Anias Nin French? lol…
I have had the conversation about not wanting to trade lives with my 20 year old self before. I totally agree there. No way! I am 45 and I think that all my years have done me very well. Good for you for being so mature about your aging! I always say that we are like wine, we age well. The "we" being most of humanity.
And now I'll be singing, "You've got your own cigarettes now, baby" all day.
And Vikki's comment is exactly what I was hoping when I thought of the idea:
Wow, by the time I've read all these empowering posts I'll be walking on air! 🙂
Love this. Really inspiring post! I hit 40 a couple of years ago and panicked. I had a few months of soul searching. Now I don't care so much! I agree, I'd take my 20-year-old body (with no creaks!), but keep my 40-odd years mind and experience – though I wish my memory was better! Lovely post! 🙂
Wow, what a fantastic post! Thirty didn't really bother me but I've found that since I turned 32 I'm thinking more and more about life and making sure I'm doing what makes me happy. I think I am. I hope I am! Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts.
I didn't read yours until after I wrote and posted mine, but I see we touched on some similar themes and even used the same quote! Great minds think alike ; )
Great post!
I am constantly amazed an inspired by the younger women I meet during our travels who are strong, confident and making decisions that go against the mainstream culture. I wish I had been like that at a younger age, but more than that, I hope to instil the confidence in my own daughters to be confident in their own personhood and beholden to no culture norms except that which they consider valid and good.
Thanks so much for the kind comments. I was out of town Sunday and playing catch-up today but tomorrow I plan to go visit each participating blog. I am really looking forward to each and every post.
Thanks for sharing your positive experiences! Really enjoyed them. :3
Ha! I love that femme d'un because I feel in that nether world age for a woman myself. Great post!
Great post, and well said!
Thanks, Tori!
Great post – everything very well said. I wouldn’t want to go back to being 20 years old either. Well, maybe some days…my husband and I were dating back then and things were so carefree. And I had a youthful body and nothing hurt, lol. I was laughing at those Virginia Slim commercials…oh my gosh!! I remember my mom smoking those.
Those were the days, my friend. (Do you know that song?) Every once in a great while, after a couple of glasses of wine or a couple of cocktails, it will occur to me that I don’t hurt anywhere. It’s awesome – ha!