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Etiquette ~ Thank You Notes

June 7, 2016 By Deanna Piercy 10 Comments

Do you write thank you notes or do you think it’s an outdated custom? I may be old fashioned but I still think a handwritten thank you note is a lovely idea.

Thank you notes

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Thank You Notes

My mother was a real stickler for thank you notes and passed that along to me. I feel like if someone took the time to select a gift or do something nice for me, writing a note of appreciation is only right.

Other than for wedding presents this custom seems to be well on its way out of common practice. I always made my kids write thank you notes for birthday and Christmas gifts but rarely received them from their friends. Some of our nieces and nephews did but more of them did not.

You may disagree with me and that’s fine but here are my reasons for writing thank you notes:

  1. If the gift was mailed a thank you note tells the sender that the gift was received. Many a time I’ve worried that a gift was lost in the mail and didn’t want the intended recipient to think I hadn’t bothered to give them a gift.
  2. Expressing gratitude is always appropriate.
  3. Teaching children to write thank you notes gives them experience in something that they may very well be called upon to do as an adult.
  4. It’s a pleasure to receive something other than bills and junk mail. I’m always so pleased to receive a handwritten note because it’s so rare these days. We’ll talk about writing actual letters one of these days, too!
  5. There is something special about gracious gestures, especially when they are no longer expected. It’s like using cloth napkins or ironing pillow cases. These things may not be necessary but they elevate ordinary life just a bit with minimal effort.

If I’ve managed to convince you that thank you notes are a good idea and something you’d like to start doing, here are some helpful tips.

  1. Purchase a pack of thank you notes, address labels and stamps to keep on hand. If you don’t have to make a special trip to the store and/or post office, the task is more easily accomplished in a timely manner.
  2. Decide on your own personal deadline for writing notes after receiving a gift, attending a special party or being a guest in someone’s home. Ideally, the sooner the better but in general I try to do it within 2 weeks. Weddings are different, though, especially when the guest list is large. Emily Post says wedding gift thank you notes should be sent within three months of the wedding. Even that seems like a long time to me and I would hate to have that hanging over my head for that long. But from an etiquette standpoint, three months is fine.
  3. Don’t feel like the note needs to be long or use extremely formal language. Just a few sentences are fine.

If you are a bit unsure about how to compose a thank you note, here is a general template of sorts:

  • Greeting
  • Thank recipient for gift, party, hospitality, etc.
  • One or two sentences about the gift. Why you like it, how it is a perfect choice for your home, just the right color, etc.
  • Thank recipient for thoughtfulness, hospitality, or something appropriate.
  • Closing

Feel free to write more but even three or four sentences of heartfelt gratitude are sufficient. Don’t let perfectionism prevent you from writing anything at all.

Adding gracious touches to our own lives and those we care about is an important part of “creating a beautiful life”. Instead of thinking of it as a dreaded chore, imagine the recipient looking through their daily mail and instead of just bills and junk mail there is a sweet note from you. Knowing that your effort brightened someone’s day makes it all worthwhile.

 

 

For another take on thank you notes, check out this podcast:

Gretchen Rubin: Podcast 67

Thank You Notes

Do you write thank you notes or am I hopelessly old fashioned?

 

 

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Etiquette ~ Thank You Notes

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Filed Under: Creating a Beautiful Life, Dee's Life, Etiquette

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Comments

  1. SmallDisciplines says

    June 7, 2016 at 1:05 pm

    It’s not particular common to write thank you notes here in Scandinavia, apart from on big occasions like marriage or a christening. Even so I have recently taken up the practice also for smaller occasions and it’s been really interesting to see how it’s being received. I think it’s a lovely practice, particularly when it’s an actual note, not just a quick email.

    Reply
    • Deanna Piercy says

      June 7, 2016 at 9:09 pm

      I’ve heard that this is more of an American custom. What kind of responses have you had?

      Reply
      • SmallDisciplines says

        June 9, 2016 at 3:28 am

        Some won’t mention it, some get a bit flustered from the attention, while others get really excited to receive something unexpected in the mail.

        Reply
        • Deanna Piercy says

          June 9, 2016 at 2:12 pm

          I always love to receive something handwritten in the mail. I used to write letters to several people. No one seems to do that anymore but I’m thinking about starting again.

          Reply
  2. Tori says

    June 8, 2016 at 3:07 am

    I’ve never done thank you notes as such, but was always taught to take the time to thank the person properly (either face to face, over the phone, or whatever). It’s something I always do to this day. If possible I’ll thank them in person. If not, my next step would be a phone call. Failing that, I’ll send them an e-mail.

    I would do proper thank you notes if I could though. I think it’s a really nice custom, and absolutely love it when a certain friend of mine takes the time to send a little homemade card with a thank you note inside it any time she feels I’ve earned it. I then immediately e-mail her to thank her for the thank you card.

    Reply
    • Deanna Piercy says

      June 8, 2016 at 1:28 pm

      That’s really sweet of your friend. I fully intend to get back to making my own cards just as soon as I get my office set up and have room for my supplies.

      Reply
  3. Edward says

    June 9, 2016 at 3:07 am

    Great post! Thank you for sharing this. A simple thank you note is an awesome idea. I must try this.

    Reply
    • Deanna Piercy says

      June 9, 2016 at 2:13 pm

      It’s such a seemingly small thing but I think people really do appreciate receiving a handwritten note of appreciation.

      Reply
  4. Tory says

    March 21, 2019 at 5:35 am

    Hi I am so excited I found your weblog, I really found you byy error, while I was looking on Askjeeve for something else,
    Anyhow I aam here now and would just like to say cheers for a marvelous
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    Reply
    • Deanna Piercy says

      March 21, 2019 at 10:37 am

      Thanks!

      Reply

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I’m Dee, a Francophile with a hippie heart, trying to create a beautiful life in the country while dreaming of Paris.

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