I’ve long suspected that David and I have been the subject of discussion amongst some family and friends of family but paranoia isn’t my thing so I haven’t thought much about it. Today I received confirmation that it is, indeed, happening. Things from my blog and our MySpace pages have been shared and talked about with people who don’t read either one.
None of what David and I write about is a secret or we wouldn’t have posted in the first place. However, to share little bits and pieces, sometimes completely out of context, with people who aren’t getting the whole picture can be highly misleading. But the really disheartening part of all this is that the people who are gossiping about us are Christians and none have seen fit to talk to us about these things personally.
I don’t share much about my faith here for a variety of reasons, although I don’t hide the fact I’m a Christian. There is mention of church activities, pictures of our church taken at the Christmas Eve service, and on the sidebar is one of those “blinkie” things that says, “Prayer Changes Things”, which is something my grandmother has always had handwritten on a piece of paper and taped to her bedroom mirror. My faith is deep and unwavering. It defines who I am but it’s not something I feel I have to constantly advertise in my speech, writing, or with bumper stickers on my car. Anyone who takes the time to really know me will see God in my life. If they don’t, all the “Bible talk” and “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper stickers in the world wouldn’t mean a thing.
Part of the problem is that Christians don’t all agree about everything. We allow way too many issues to cause dissension and division amongst us. We’ve even allowed politics to become a means of judging who is the “better” Christian.
I know that one of the things being talked about is the fact that David and I occasionally consume alcohol and even (gasp) go to bars (our dear friends in New Orleans play in a band in a bar and we love listening to them play the music from our high school days)! I grew up in a family of teetotalers and in a church tradition that believes that even drinking a glass of wine with one’s dinner is sinful. But the thing is, not all Christian denominations share that view. David and I happen to be Presbyterian and there is no such belief within that denomination as a whole. It’s perfectly fine to have different beliefs on this but to judge someone’s walk with the Lord based upon your interpretation of this is wrong.
In fact, it is impossible to accurately judge the heart of a person by outward things alone, whether that be one’s clothing, music preferences, hair styles, etc. More to the point, it isn’t our job to judge another’s relationship with God at all. Unfortunately, we have recently had two tragic situations in our own small town in which men whom everyone considered to be fine, upstanding Christian leaders will now spend many years in jail for child molestation. Both were ordained Baptist ministers and leaders in their churches. They probably didn’t even drink. I’ll bet that if, a year ago, you had talked to anyone in their churches or amongst their close friends and relatives about these men you would have heard high praises for their godly nature and close walk with God. I’m in no way making light of these horrible situations but merely making the point that we cannot know what is in another’s heart.
I’m not sure if I should post this or not. On the one hand, David and I are totally secure in our faith and completely at peace with our personal choices. We really don’t care what others think. But on the other hand, perhaps this will make those who have been doing the gossiping think about what they are doing. Is it helpful? Is anything good likely to come about as a result? We tend to prefer to focus on “the big sins” while conveniently forgetting that God’s word cautions us against gossiping quite vigorously.
So, now that I’ve got that off my chest, let’s move on. I’ve got recipes to share, before and after pictures of decluttering projects to show you, and sooner or later there will be yet another story of some goofy rural experience to regale you with.
~Mother Teresa~
I’m not sure of the correct saying but isn’t there something like: make sure your back door is clean before you start criticizing others…. I cannot remember the exact phrase. My grandpa always said that when someone would come gossiping to him…
I have learned over my 57 years to not pay any attention to gossip.. cuz if they are talking about me then they are leaving other people alone.
Just know that I enjoy everything you write.. oh and by the way, Wasn’t water turned into wine for the purpose of drinking it????
Louise in Alberta, Canada
What a well written blog! I hope that whomever was doing the gossiping sees it as well and that it causes them to take good long look at themselves in the mirror. Hopefully they will make sure their hands are clean before they do some more talking about the faith and morals of others.
Great blog! I hate gossiping. I know it happens a lot about me but I’m getting better about not caring though it’s harder when it’s friends and family. I’m proud of who I am so at this point I welcome people to talk about me. 🙂
Our Presbyterian (PCA mind you — even more conservative!) pastor is playing with his band at a bar next weekend. I’m sure he’ll have a beer next to his stool.
People can be really dumb sometimes. What do they think, that Jesus met all those tax collectors and sinful people at the synagogue?
Thanks for the comments, folks. And Thomas, tell your pastor “I’m praying for him”. 😉
Great post!
I agree and it’s also why I have gone back to my roots and my beliefs and left religion behind.
I was one who judged others and played the *perfect christian* part.
I’m done being fake, I am me, God loves me and I am in no position to decide if someone else is a Christian or not.
I lift my glass of wine to you. Well I will later when I pour one 🙂
I’m sorry that you have endured this. I have been making the comment a lot lately that all those big “issue” items that we disagree on religiously are not what will destroy the church, but gossip will destroy it quicker!! I see it time and time again on COM…
Well said! I think we all have at one time or another made a judgement about someone when it was not our place to do so. I know that I listen to the “gossip” and the righteous indignation of others on a regular basis at my place of work. And I don’t say anything… I don’t say stop…be Christian….I don’t say love everyone and maybe the world would be better and the misery may go away. Maybe it’s time to stay “stop”. Bless you and thanks for right so someone in Arizona can enjoy.
Sorry that you were a victim of people who are not brave enough to say it to your face and I applaud you for being real on your blog about it!
I know you better than the people who are doing the gossiping, and I couldn’t imagine having a better mother, teacher, or friend. We all have to do what we know is right, and I have witnessed you doing that for almost 25 years now. I’ve had plenty of people talk about me through the years and I know how frustrating it is, but we are only responsible for ourselves. I’m very proud to call you “Mom” and I don’t care what anyone says. You and Dad have been a constant inspiration to me and Lisa, and I love you. Even if you dress like pirates sometimes. 😉
Deanna, you lusty wench. (Or is that comely wench?) Looks like you’ve stirred things up. Good for you. Heaven knows people would have nothing to talk about if you didn’t have a glass of wine once in a while. They might even (insert gasp here) need to examine their own lives.
I do hope though, that those snippets they take out of context will do them some good.
Having been the focus of gossip I understand the feelings associated with that. I think gossip is a cowardly form of bullying and I say that with full awareness that I am sometimes guilty of the same. We insecure humans don’t tolerate others being different from us, we have to practice being better. Learn to question ourselves and our behavior and tell ourselves “No, it’s not okay to do that”. All that being said, Jesus turned the water into WINE, how do we forget that? Would he turn the water into something which is sinful to consume? Common sense folks.
Well said, and BOY, can I feel your frustration! Can’t be a bellydancer or a rock ‘n roller and go to church, it simply doesn’t work because people talk about things and make assumptions based on what they THINK they know. It’s the same all over, whether you’re a dancer, a rocker, or an occasional imbiber. Or a regular imbiber, for that matter, lol. 😉
Kim: In our case, none of the gossip is coming from anyone in our church. That’s one of the things we love about it — they are very accepting of people. I wish it were that way with everyone.
Apparently this topic has struck a chord considering the number of comments it has generated. If nothing else, at least I know I’ll try to be VERY careful about not gossiping and making judgments of others.