You would think that the people who claim to love and care about us would be our cheerleaders when we begin to really connect with the deepest part of our souls while at the same time taking an interest in the greater world around us. Sadly, that isn’t always the case. Sometimes those closest to us simply cannot gracefully accept our growth and change. Seeing us step out of the little box we’ve lived in threatens all their notions of who we are…especially when they are still living in a little box that looks very much like the one we used to inhabit.
Even so, one might hope that people would keep their opinions to themselves. But I suppose it’s human nature to seek confirmation from others that one’s concerns are valid. Perhaps they have convinced themselves that what they are doing is not really gossip. I’m sure they don’t consider themselves judgmental, even when quoting scriptures about “the narrow way” and “sound doctrine”. And maybe referring to people who share our political and environmental concerns as “idiots”, “hypocrites” and “socialists” isn’t intended to hurt our feelings. I hope not. I’d hate to think it is intentional.
In any case, I’ve wasted way too much emotional energy on all this and am ready to move on. That’s why I was so excited to read the following on These Days in French Life:
So get it off your chest. Write it, sing it, dance it, drum it, shout it, mail it. Tell them. People will disagree with your ideas, your way, your beliefs. Let them. Forget about it. Better yet – change your focus. Change how you’re going to perceive and see something (what other people think of me is none of my business). That is what this full Moon is all about. Then join forces with like minded people, have a party, be festive and merry and change the world.
All of these thoughts have been brewing in my head for quite awhile and I knew that at some point I’d end up blogging about it. I don’t often get terribly personal here. I have close friends and family to talk about these things with and I rather doubt my blog readers are interested in my navel gazing. Still, I have had conversations with numerous people recently who are dealing with similar issues so I’m sharing this in the hopes that it might be encouraging the way Riana’s post was for me. Rest assured, I won’t be making a habit of this. 😉
My daughter posted the following song on Facebook this morning and I thought some of the lyrics were appropriate for this blog post:
Why can’t I be more conventional?
People talk, people stare
So I try
But that’s not for me
And because humor is often a good way to deal with things, this is what David often refers to as “our theme song”:
Now that I’ve gotten all that off my chest, it’s time to “join forces with like minded people, have a party, be festive and merry and change the world”. Who’s with me?
It really must be a first born thing. The need to please others and be liked. I've gotten better as I've gotten older, but it's still hard for me to not be liked. I may not even know the person, but knowing the person doesn't like me drives crazy. I used to find myself trying to change myself to please these people. I'm finally starting to see that I am allowed to have my own beliefs and opinions without the approval of others. I want to be able to teach my children that it's okay to be your own person and you don't need to pretend to be something you're not to please others.
I thought over the years I had done a good job of picking that ground where I listen to criticism if given directly, and decide whether it has any validity to it, and if it does, change something or apologize, and if it doesn't, ignore it and go on. I also thought that I had made my peace with others talking about me behind my back. Deciding whether to confront the gossip, or just ignore it. But in the past 6 months? OMG, folks have reached a new level of tackiness that I am having trouble ignoring. I like Rina's statement, and will work toward applying it in my own life!!
I am exhilarated after reading your post ! This year I want to stop worrying about what the 'box people' think . I'm sure it could'nt be any lonelier than trying to make others happy and worrying about what they are thinking.
I'm glad to see that I'm not the only adult still struggling with this. 😉
I really debated about this post but finally decided that I needed to say it and let the chips fall where they may. I have the most amazing relationships with my husband and children, as well as with numerous friends and relatives. If a handful of people have a problem with my beliefs or choices, that's really their problem and not mine.
I love Riana's blog, and this is something that I too struggle with. I love that quote though, because it really is none of my business what other people say about me. I need to feel confident that as long as I like myself and my actions and my husband still loves me (even though we may not always agree), that is really all that matters.
I'm pretty sick of how people are trying others because they don't agree. I have been called more names by people I thought cared about me this year than ever before.
I know what I'm doing is what's right and that's what matters, now to just stop caring lol.
I think it's the "idiot" thing that irritates me the most. Excuse me? I am most definitely NOT an idiot. I have extremely smart kids who most likely got at least part of that from their parents. 😉
But you're right, Lisa. It's the "not caring" part that is tough, especially for those of us who tend to care about others perhaps too much.
first catch your hare, then cook him……………...…………....…...
Huh? I do believe that's the oddest comment I've ever received. 😉
I do think it's a first-born thing – my younger sister couldn't care less what people think. Getting older has opened my eyes to the fact that I just need to stop worrying about the opinions of others, but it's a struggle. Having moved to a "foreign" land, I've found this issue has popped it's ugly head up again in my life. So I'm trying to get comfortable again with who I am. But sometimes I feel like I'm wandering in the wilderness. I do like the concept that what other people think of me is none of my business! Thanks for sharing.
Cherie, I'm just getting around to responding but do appreciate hearing that I'm not the only one dealing with stuff like this. I'd like to say that after I wrote this, I shrugged it all off and it's been smooth sailing since. That's not the case but I'm still working on it.