My life as a criminal

I received a request to explain one of my *random things you might not know about me* so here goes:

I was about 20 years old at the time. Envision me at my still current height of 5’4″ and my no longer current weight of about 120 pounds, wearing a pink satin robe. Yes, these details are important so pay attention. Imagine also, a small furry white dog named “Boo Boo”. Despite being mid morning, I was still in the pink robe because I was recovering from a recent miscarriage. Boo Boo needed to go outside so I let him out and stood in the doorway (it was chilly) telling him to “go potty” repeatedly as he sniffed various possible locations for this activity. Just then the mailman came along. He was nearly 6’4″ and probably about 250 pounds, wearing almost knee-high boots as part of his uniform. Boo Boo, being a fairly typical *small dog who thinks he’s big*, started barking at the mailman. Not growling and certainly not very threatening to the mailman. I mean, even if the dog had tried to bite him, the best he could have done was get a mouthful of rubber boot. I called to Boo Boo and started toward him to pick him up but before I could do so the mailman whipped out his can of mace and sprayed my tiny little dog in the face. That would have been bad enough but he kept chasing Boo Boo and trying to spray him again. I managed to get myself between Boo Boo and the mailman, put my hands up (palms flat), and tried to prevent him from chasing my dog. I didn’t *assault* him in any way and I can’t imagine that I was any more threatening than a fluffy dog with bows in his hair. We exchanged a few words, I grabbed my dog, and went inside.

I can’t recall how much time expired but one day a police car showed up at my house and I was served papers charging me with assault and harboring a vicious animal. I talked the policeman into letting me drive to the station in my own car instead of being hauled off in the back of the police car. Needless to say I was distraught. Again, I have blocked out a lot of the details but I’m sure there were hysterical calls to my husband and to my parents who lived across the street at the time.

We contacted an acquaintance who is an attorney (actually, he’s a judge now and a friend of my husband’s) and made an appointment to go over our case. I brought a picture of Boo Boo with me to show him. He took one look at me and one look at the picture and started cracking up. He knew who the mailman was so was well aware of his size. Not only was I on the small side in those days, I also looked about 15 years old. We prepared our case and despite the attorney’s assurances, I was a nervous wreck. I couldn’t eat; I couldn’t sleep. And then, the very day before we were to go to court, I received word that the mailman had dropped the charges. Jerk! I think he planned to do so all along and just wanted to torture me. I was off the hook, although we still had to pay the attorney.

It was very traumatic for me and I had nightmares about it for years. Now it just makes me mad when I think of it.

So that is the sum total of my criminal activity. Thus far…